Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Top 10 Good Looking People Problems

          Firstly, I'd  like to congratulate everyone on their CAPE/CXC examination results! So CONGRATULATIONS!!! Looks like being more religious this year to thank God for my results last year really paid off for this year as well =) <3  I must say that I was really surprised and grateful for my results,because for me it wasn't so easy and thus I can undoubtedly say that the only thing more difficult than exams is .... being Good Looking.
         Yes, I may be a honorary Ugly person, but I am also a self-proclaimed Good Looking person, and I can tell you that it is no walk in the park. It's a hard life, and people always assume that you have the best of everything just because you're Good Looking. We may not have the best of everything but we almost always get our way just because of our Good Looks, but damn! It just isn't easy! Before I was a self-proclaimed Good Looking person, I would always assume that their life was perfect and that everyone loved them and that if I was Good Looking, things would finally be easier. But now that I am a self-proclaimed Good Looking person, I see that having the perfect life, and being loved by everyone is part of the package but it isn't so easy. It's as if I've brought the 11th plague upon myself. Imagine a world where you have nothing to wear, because you're too sexy for your shirt! The horror! Being Good Looking is quite stressful, and yes I've never actually experienced the stresses of being a Good looking person since I'm not,[I know it's difficult, through practice simulations =P] but I've done my research to bring to you the Top 10 Good Looking People Problems, in a very random order, just so you'll know that beauty like this is more a curse than a gift.

Top 10 Good Looking People Problems:-

GLPP#1 - Be A Model.
          So imagine yourself casually walking down the road and someone randomly stops you and says, "Oh my God! You have the perfect height and body, and your bone structure is amazing! You're so Good Looking, you should be a model!". Ok yes, it's flattering  the first  every time, but gosh is it annoying?! I mean yes being a model looks nice and all, but just because people are Good Looking, it doesn't mean you want to flaunt your body for the world to see! Good Looking people have dreams of becoming highly respected business men and women, doctors, lawyers, engineers etc., where they get to cover themselves up with suits, scrubs, lab coats and coveralls. They have these high dreams and aspirations but does anyone ever stop them to say, " Holy Shit!!! You have the perfect look to be a doctor!!!", NOOOOooo..... To make matters worse, people are always entering you name into beauty pageants and competitions just because they know you're Good Looking and will win, but they never stop to ask if this is what you want to do. It's almost as if you have no control over your own life!  Priyanka Chopra is a fine example of this, as her mother and brother nominated her for Miss World despite her being busy and working hard towards being an engineer. Did she win? Yes. But despite her having won the Miss World title, and becoming a most popular and well famed Bollywood actress backed by many awards, and having her own solo album...... it was done against her will all because of her Good Looks.

GLPP#2 - Stalkers.

          That word says it all! Stalkers... You know you're officially Good Looking when you've got yourself some stalkers. It might seem really creepy at first but it takes some getting used to. It's part of the natural cycle of life; ugly person sees really Good Looking person and crushes on them majorly, but yet they're too shy and scared to approach that person because they know that they'll get rejected and nobody likes to get rejected, so instead of undergoing the humiliation they just stand from a far and admire the Good Looks. All Good Looking people have stalkers, and well yes it's freaky, but you need to learn to cope with this very natural part of life. Stalkers can vary; some just admire from Facebook pictures, some like hard copies of pictures so they can kiss and so they build a shrine and well others like the action live so they'd follow you around your daily life, sometimes with a camcorder to record some action for keepsakes. It's a dangerous life, but your Good Looks enslave you to such generous service. Tough luck.

GLPP#3 - Everyone Flirts.

          Parties are the usual place where drunk guys and gals like to flirt up a storm, but when you're Good Looking, people don't need to be drunk! As soon as you enter the party, everyone's on you like a fly on shit. You made the worst mistake of not coming with a date, so everyone knows you're single and wants to dance with you, people are even winking at you from the far far end of the room. Bringing a date wouldn't have helped your situation at all, since people act as if your date isn't even there. And well it doesn't stop at the night life, IT'S EVERYWHERE! Everywhere you go, people want a go at your sexiness. The cashiers are flirting with you, the gas attendants, the vagrants, even people of the same gender! It's really ridiculous and makes having a love life difficult as your lover will always feel insecure about the relationship.If you're single and you're looking for someone it's perfect conditions to really scope the scene but then you have to pretend not to notice the butt ugly ones to avoid hurting their feelings.  At least you can get a few free drinks, refills and gum from life... it's not much but it will have to suffice for your screwed up love life.

GLPP#4 - Everyone's Jealous.

          With Good Looks, comes great responsibility  said a wise man once, somewhere on this Earth. He didn't go down in history for some weird reason, but he definitely knew what he was talking about. With Good Looks comes popularity, the hottest guy/girl you know, expensive gifts from admirers that want to impress you, you get chosen first for good things, all this and much more. Having all these things that so many people desire dearly, makes you a target for envy. Everyone envies you and what you have and they want to be just like you, in hopes that they will soon get what you have. You may even start to notice people copying your style, it's not really that you're a fashion prodigy but because people are trying to be just like you. Jealous people aren't always creepy in the good way that they want to be like you, they are those creepy in the bad way that wish you die and that you wake up with warts on your face. They wait at the sidelines waiting for you to get fat and ugly, because beauty isn't permanent and they know it.... unless you can afford a good plastic surgeon. It's really scary and nerve wrecking to be in the center of such negative energy that it really messes with your mind. There's no way to combat jealously, unless you became unGood Looking... but that's impossible.... so you must live a life of misery.

GLPP#5 - Are You Stupid?

          It's not out of reason that Good Looking people can be stupid. Many people have the theory that ugly people are smart because they need something to get by on; they need intellect to get high paying jobs to make lots of money to attract a spouse. But Good Looking people get spouses without trying, heck they get a lot of things without trying. Hence it proves that Good Looking people don't need to get/be smart to succeed in life and therefore many people believe that Good Looking people are all stupid since they've seen a lot of not-so-smart Good Looking people. That generalisation hurts since there are quite a few really Good Looking people who are incredibly smart! They're topping their classes, acing the shit out of tests, attending Harvard and what not, all while being so Good Looking it hurts. It is quite hurtful to 5 billion people that you possess these two coveted attributes,... but who cares about them? What really hurts is that nobody thinks you're smart just because you're Good Looking! They talk to you like you're an idiot, and referring to #1, they don't think you can do anything but look pretty, so they never expect you to do something where a lot of thinking is involved despite you being more than capable.

GLPP#6 - Too Many Fake Friends.

           Making friends can be pretty difficult, but that is definitely not the case when you're Good Looking. You have people following you around, sucking up to you, and practically begging you to be your friend. However, it's difficult knowing who's really going to be there when the going gets rough. When it comes to friends, the term quality over quantity definitely applies, but it's so hard for you to determine who are your really good friends since everyone is so busy trying to be on your good side to maintain the relationship. This is probably one of the most difficult things about being Good Looking, since the only way to find out who'll be there with you through thick and thin, is when you're actually going through a crisis! And by that time you would have probably hurt the people that matter most, been abandoned for dead by those whom you thought cared and drowning in your troubles probably so far out that you can't be rescued. No one can out run fake friends, it's just that Good Looking people have to deal with 15 times the amount of fake friends than that of the average person, and that is far from pleasant.

GLPP#7 - Breakup/Love Songs Are Nonsense.       
         William Shakespeare once said that if Music be the food of love, play on. Music speaks to the soul on a level that words cannot and hence that is why there are sooo many love songs out today. Finding songs that aren't about a significant other; either someone you love, someone you're crushing on, someone who broke your heart, a friend with benefits, someone doing something that stirs up passionate feelings, can be a very daunting task. Since there are soooo many songs about love and break ups, it's really difficult to be a Good Looking person amidst music. Good Looking people counteract Shakespeare, wishing that Music which fuels love must stop. These are strong feelings, but from their stand in life, love songs and breakup songs make no sense and are a waste of time. Good Looking people rarely fall in love, because like normal human beings they're always looking for someone better than them and well since they're so Good Looking, such is impossible to come across, therefore they can't relate to all this mushy gushy crap about seeing someone, and having your heart race out of your chest and your breathing increasing so much that it almost stops altogether. And if they never fall in love, you could understand why breakup songs are completely ridiculous to them. Plus if a Good Looking person were to fall in love by some miracle, they would be the one dumping as Good Looking people are never dumped and this further more proves why they would think breakup songs to be completely pointless.  Love songs fuel the soul, I guess they keep us dreaming  and they comfort us in times when words don't seem to do, and unfortunately Good Looking people will never get to experience this and the magic of Taylor Swift.

GLPP#8 - No Relaxation.    
         Mostly everyone desires alone time, and frankly we need alone time to reflect upon our actions, rejuvenate our minds by reading a book or by taking a nice cat nap. Honestly we need that solitude to keep ourselves from injuring people, even if it's once a week just for half an hour. It can really do a lot for you. However being Good Looking provides such a busy schedule that it's difficult to find time for yourself. People are always following you around, you're always invited to parties; which seem to happen every other day, people are always inviting you to go out with them to hang out, people are stalking you constantly, you have to go to your sports practice or club meetings, you're swamped by work, people keep asking you out on dates, modelling agencies are always ringing your phone off the hook, you have to shop for new outfits every weekend either to keep your clothes as fresh as your looks or a friend wants your Good Looking opinion.... should I go on or do you get the point? Basically Good Looking people are so busy all the time, they have noooo time for themselves, they're like Mother Theresa's spawns. These wonderfully beautiful creatures, must suffer the hustle and bustle of the day, every day without a single minute to keep to themselves to maintain their sanity..... and all for the sake of the people.

GLPP#9 - Match Maker.
          Now pretty much everyone has tried to play Cupid in their life, setting up so called "Perfect" mismatched couples and seeing how that plays out. Some of us are actually successful and do actually create a perfect and loving couple. But when you're Good Looking, being a match maker usually has a complicated ending. The problem arises when you're setting your friend up with someone whom you think is perfect for them, and while you're getting to know this person to tell them about your friend [sometimes even before this]..... BAM! That someone is in love with you, crushing on you instead. You become part of a creepy love triangle where you're friend's supposed new partner is crushing on you and not you're friend because your Good Looks are irresistible.  Matters are made worse when your friend has been crushing on the person you were supposed to be setting them up with, for a while. This is the kind of thing that ruins friendships, especially if the friend is ugly. And well we all know that it's the ugly friend that needs you to hook them up, or else they would have had someone by now. With Good Looks like yours, it's hard to not break up already existing relationships and creating new ones seems like an evenly matched task........ is that a match made in Heaven?

GLPP#10 - There's Only One You.

           Life transforms into the biggest bitch when you realise that you're one of a kind and there won't be another as  Good Looking as you. Yes there are other 'Good Looking' people out there, but they aren't as Good Looking as you, no one could ever be as Good Looking as you or could anyone ever be worthy of your Good Lookingness other than yourself. And so many sleepless nights are spent crying over the fact that you can't date yourself. Whether you accept it or not you'll have to settle for someone ugly as everyone is below you, and that is just a bummer considering your astounding Good Looks.

               And there you have it, the seemingly only 10 problems there are to being Good Looking. This just goes to prove that All that Glitters is not Gold [ I'm on a roll with Shakespeare tonight]. Good Looking people, I sympathize with you and, Ugly people count your blessings. This post was started a while back and I finally took the initiative to finish it! Happy 2013 as this is somewhat my unofficial first post for the new year. The year is still fresh, so good luck with all your endeavours and being Good Looking.