Thursday, July 26, 2012

Hasta La Vista 18

       I can’t believe it! Today’s my last day of being 18 and it breaks my heart! When I was a child, I was fascinated with the age 18. If I could have chosen to remain one age forever, it would undoubtedly be 18. There was something about it that awed me, the idea of still being a teenager, yet being an adult at the same time was just mind blowing. But now that I’m a few hours away from being 19, I must say that being 18 hasn’t been so great because I haven’t made the best of it. I’ve really done nothing while I was 18 to be so proud of being 18 and that depresses me greatly.
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         I have no great stories of my 18th year to tell my future generation. A story as simple as my first love won’t even exist. I’d have to shift words around to make myself seem awesome, but then again what would history be if we never did that? I’d have to begin; well 22 hours ago, when I was 18, I broke the norm of society! It was customary that at the age of 13, a girl should shamelessly think she had fallen in love with some boy who would only later break her heart. And by 16 years of age, said same girl should have met another lad, with whom she would have fallen in love with completely, regardless of his feelings for her and wait a maximum of 4 to 5 years, to see if this is the person that was truly meant for her. However, me being the daring, witty and beautiful adventurous rebel that I am, I refused to succumb to the foe called love, so far for 18 years of my life, I avoided the treacherous ailments that had befallen many and led them to their demise. I was strong and determined, and I ventured with the few that were as worthy as me, to escape the illusively warm grip of love’s icy claws. Yes, Yes… that sounds about accurate, don’t you think? 
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         Yesterday I watched Zefferelli’s 'Romeo and Juliet' and it really made me think about my nonexistent love life. It was quite good, seemed like the real deal with the setting and costuming, and I can’t seem to get over how Leonard Whiting crazily looks like Zac Efron.  Two young souls madly and helplessly in love with each other, so much that they can’t live without the other. I tried to think of how my seemingly impossible love story would unravel, but even that was difficult. Love is something I haven’t yet stumbled upon, I’ve done such a great job at avoiding it since I’m an expert at pushing people away. The only thing I have that can come close to a good love story, are my very embarrassing moments. And it was then that I realized that that’s all I’ll probably ever have, my life is one big embarrassing showdown. Everything in my life competes with each other to see which can embarrass me more.
            Let’s take a look at my lack of good timing. I remember about 4 years ago I was talking to an old friend on msn. You see, I had now come back to Trinidad on April 1st and I was picking up wireless from my cousin’s neighbours at two in the morning. So obviously my friend had to prank me because it was April fool’s, but I’m usually the pranker not the prankee.  So, for some time then I had been asking him questions on guy-behaviours because I wanted to write a book [I only reached chapter 3 with that- Failure!] and I wanted it to be realistic, I wanted guys to be able to relate as well as girls. But because of this, they thought I was seeking relationship advice, which seemed really silly to me at that time. So I was like, 'ok yea I’ll play on his suspicions and tell him that I have a boyfriend, yea that’ll be a good April fool’s because they’ll surely believe it but it won’t be true. Yes! Awesome idea!' So I proceeded with my supposedly awesome plan, and I really can’t remember what their reaction was, but I know that before I could tell them April fool’s the internet connection dropped!!! I got cut off from the conversation and I tried for a whole half an hour to get back on but I couldn’t. So I never got to tell them it was a April Fool’s and I never  bothered to clear it up in later conversations as I hoped they, unlike me, would have forgotten about it.  Basically in the end, not only am I the loser to have never been in a relationship, but I the biggest loser who attempted to lie about it, giving myself a fake boyfriend with a name, which is the saddest part.
           But I guess since I’m almost 19, I should review something shitty that happened while I was 18. Let's take a look at my lack of life skills. Hmm... I have just the story, but I’ll have to make it quite vague.  Okay, so most people would think me a bitch because I’m selective of whom I talk to. I’m sorry, but when I meet someone for the first time, within 5 minutes I decide whether you’re worth my time or not based on your interaction with me and those around me. Therefore if we're friends, then I think you're pretty cool and worth my time, so congratulations you lucky fools =). I try to stay clear of jerks and bacchanalists and I don’t run down people to talk to them. If you talk to me, cool! We’ll have a conversation [However awkward that may turn out], but don’t hold your breath waiting for me to approach you or else you will die because I’m really shy when it comes to meeting people =S. So now that you know so much about me, I can proceed with this embarrassing experience. So I met this guy, and my blood didn’t take him at all, based on first impressions. However every time we’re in the same vicinity, he would come and say 'hi', so I began to think that maybe I'm judging him too quickly, that I should try and be nice to them because they just want to be friends. Then an incident happened, where I was made to realize that this person who I forced myself to believe was nice, was actually using me. And well I hate users! I’ve been used conveniently many times in my short life, perhaps more times than I was embarrassed =S, therefore I was really pissed that I let myself get used again…. So just like that I stopped talking to that person completely. I should have listened to my instincts the very first time and leave it like that, but we all know how evil can be deceiving =P  So yea, some people may think I handled this immaturely but I just really wanted to stop talking to this person and forget about how stupid I had been. So some time later, that person ended up falling for and dating someone who was already in a relationship. This someone happened to know me well and decided that for love’s sake, they should tell their lover all that they know about me. Which is very disturbing, because I really don’t like people knowing my background and whatever, yes I tell you all about my life on this blog, but there are private things about my life that I wouldn’t want the world to know. However this someone happens to think very highly of their self and for quite some time they believed I was ugly and jealous of them, I was far from jealous of this person by the way. And well, remember how I mentioned this someone was cheating, and I really don’t stand for that bullshit, so I tried to put an end to it, along with my awesome friends. In conclusion; we stopped the blasphemy, made some new enemies and apparently rumour has it that I’m in love with this person, and that’s why I’m so stuck up… because apparently they broke my heart. I never even knew I had these feelings lolz and the worst part is that I really never had any feelings for this person whatsoever, and they really weren’t my type so those type of feelings would have never even developed. The fact that I didn’t like this person, but everyone thought I loved them totally pissed me off, and seeing that they talk to people and I don’t, it really gave them grounds to light this fire. So now, I’m also the asshole that was in love with this person who believed they were a gentleman, and I got my heartbroken by him and my best friend…. And I didn’t even care if they were baby-making; I just wanted her to be fair to the other guy in this whole thing. I guess it’s true what they say; doing the right thing is very VERY hard.
       So yes, in my 18th year of life I proved to be really pathetic in the field of love and attraction and shit like that... and well that's not a story I really want to tell the future but what's a girl to do? So hopefully, in my 19th year, if I steer clear of anything of the sort, my name won’t get muddled and I won’t add to the lump of sadman-ness that is already me. I'll just stick to my original story in the intro and well I was great at avoiding it for 18 years, what's another year to add??To those turning 19 this year, enjoy your last teenage year and make the best of it like I plan to do. Things don't last forever, so really make the best of every opportunity.
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Sunday, July 22, 2012

Top 10 Ugly People Pros

           Wow! So I think I need to be slapped, because I haven't made a post since last month! My apologies! I've just lost my zeal to write and I felt that all my previous ideas weren't good enough for you folks. But then I decide; "you know what, you all need to love me regardless, we're in this together and there will be good posts and bad posts in our way, but I'd like to believe that our love is strong enough to overcome these barriers". Ok, Ok so I'm actually going to make my first post for the month of July, which is quite sad because July is my favorite month! Not just because this was the month I was born in, but it's awesome... like hello? no school!! Boo-yah! So the idea for this post came to me while I was studying for CAPE, and well I'm now acting on this instinct.
            Ugly people are people too despite however ugly they may be, and like all people they too have problems! And well, being ugly actually presents a shit load of problems, and I don't think that my life is long enough to permit me to tell you all of them.But being ugly isn't so bad, with every 3 disadvantages comes 1 great advantage. Therefore there are a few unexpected perks to this ugly thing. So as an honorary ugly person who has had the privilege to experience these few joys of life, compared to the many problems encountered on a nearly daily basis, I present to you the top 10 ugly people pros in no conventional order.

Top 10 Ugly People Pros:-

UPP #1 - Power of Invisibility
        Everyone on this earth wants superpowers, whether they're open about it or not. Boys watch Superman and wish they had his super strength, or more of his X-ray vision. As a little girl I would watch Charmed and wish I was Piper, but obviously we can't be these fictional characters, the closest thing us Ugly people can come to is Invisible Woman/Man. Being Ugly means that no one really wants to look at you, they don't check you out continuously wherever you go and you have no stalkers unlike Good Looking people, therefore you can enter and exit scenes unnoticed [Talk about super criminal! and amazing stalker!]. You can attend a party, if you ever get invited, and no one would ever even know you were there.... you could say you're practically invisible. And that makes us more super than everyone else; we can be somewhere and not be there at the same time.

UPP #2 - Genuine Relationships
        Well one thing's for sure, all you're friendships are to be treasured. Being ugly, is like friend- having and dating repellent! These social relationships are really hard to come by, since everyone's afraid to talk to one because of your face. But if you're Ugly and you're lucky enough to actually have friends, keep those bastards close to your heart and love them dearly, because they really like you for who you are on the inside. For example, if you're like me and you're dead ass ugly, broke and dumb, then you know you're friends can't be using you to get popular and they're definitely not trying to hook up with you, they aren't using you to get nice things from you because you can't even afford nice things for yourself, and well you really don't know how the hell to do your own homework so they're definitely not going to ask you to do theirs. I'm sure right now you're wondering.. 'why are my friends even my friends if I have nothing to offer?'... I really don't know why they're our friends, they must think we're beautiful on the inside, and you can't throw that away. Sniff*

UPP #3 - Rich Bastard
        Because you're Ugly, you'll never get asked out on a date. If you're never asked out on a date, then you don't need to go and buy nice clothes to impress that person on the date. Because you now have no one to impress, and you really can't impress yourself because you already know what you look like, then you don't need to buy make up or hair care products. And well you'll never have to spend money on that person, buying Valentine's and Birthday gifts etc. Since none of this ever happened, there'll obviously be no wedding happening and you know what this means besides the fact that you're forever alone?? It means you're stinking rich! Think of all that money you saved for yourself just because you're too ugly to get a date. Now you can buy a sick ass car and drive around and make people wish they dated you. Have fun planning you're revenge on the world my forever alone forever rich friends. P.S. You can even be the next Batman! Bet those ladies want you now!

UPP #4 - Fear Not!
        I know that sexual offences are a serious dilemma that we are faced with in this society. Rape is not a joke! The word itself makes me cringe and want to cry. But in this world, as teenagers and young adults, rape can seem insignificant and unlikely to us when compared to our immediate problems like; what to wear tomorrow, or if that certain someone will notice you, or whether or not you'll ace that exam next week. Whatever your story, you have too much going on in your mind to be bothered my what's going on in the world, but Ugly people, you have less to fear, you have one less care in this world. You needn't worry about these tragedies, it's all good until someone's visually impaired.

UPP #5 - No Photo Hate.
        Normally, when people take pictures and someone looks retarded and everyone else looks good, they scold that person for ruining their pictures and making them take another one which might not look as good as the first. People also get furious at photobombers for ruining a perfectly good meaningful picture. But when you're butt Ugly, you look so retarded all the time that when you take pictures and ruin them for everyone else, nobody cares really because they're used to seeing you look like that, so you don't get yelled at by your pretty friends. And if you accidentally or purposefully photobomb a picture nobody gets on your case because they think you're acutally supposed to be there. Three cheers for photo-bombing!

UPP #6 - Non-punishable.
        One of the biggest punishments parents force upon their children is grounding them. Which is basically banning them from social activities such as hanging out with friends and going anywhere that isn't home and by grandma's. But when you're Ugly, you're never invited to parties, unless it's your own and only if you're lucky, then you'll have friends to hang out with... so how can your parents take away the social life you've never had?? They can't! And that's what makes you unpunishable! I can tell you from experience that when you get into trouble, your parents will be there fumbling for a punishment and then they'll just end with... you're in trouble! I'll tell you from mine own experience how unpunishable you are... To punish someone you need to make them suffer, so at first your parents will tell you that you can't hang out with your friends. But how often do you do that anyway? Then they'll tell you no internet. Ok yes that hurts, but face it you have no friends to talk to on-line either, not even on Omegle lolz. But I just type up more blog posts to post up when I get back internet and that is fun for me, so still no punishing. They may ban the computer all together. They may also ban you from your phone, but let's face it; who really calls you? Who texts you? your mom? Well now she's at a lost. So what's left to do? Read an awesome bookwhich is what ugly people do best! [ because good looking people have too busy a life to read]. Reading is fun! If they ban you from reading [which is something that is unlikely to happen], you can just sleep, and who doesn't like to sleep?  Ughhh.. just don't push it so that you're stuck with a year's worth of chores because that sucks, but then again we have no life and that's extra day dreaming time; we can just pretend that we're Cinderella cleaning the house, waiting for Prince Charming [Ughh.. Guys... I don't know who you are, but yea you're waiting for your princess to rescue you too] So who are they really punishing? Not the Ugly people, I can tell you that, because if your parents keep punishing you like this then they'll be raising a socially awkward child. Who wants to take one of those to  large social gatherings and family reunions?

UPP #7 - People aren't Jealous of you.
        Ok so when people are in a relationship, they're really concerned about the other guys and gals their partner hangs out with. The best way for me to describe this one is through a story, so let's go... If  Jill/Jack started dating Steve/Eve who happened to have other friends way before this relationship started, and one of them happened to be really good looking, Foxy Tina/Tom, Jill/ Jack would be really paranoid. Everytime Steve/Eve said they were hanging out with Foxy Tina/ Tom after school, Jill/Jack would get all worked up thinking about what they would be doing. They'd be paranoid and haunted by the thought that they were being cheated on with this good looking person who has so much history with their partner. Jill/Jack would then proceed to make a big scene, to force Steve/Eve to choose between them or Foxy Tina/Tom, and well they'd have to ruin a great friendship for the sake of 'love'. But if Steve/Eve were best friends with Ugly Lucy/Luke, then Jill/Jack wouldn't worry at all, in fact they would be happy to know that Steve/Eve were hanging out with them, because they know that Ugly Lucy/Luke is way below their partner's taste level, and that Steve/Eve would never cheat on them if present with Ugly Lucy/Luke. So in short, Ugly people get to keep their best friends of opposite gender when they start dating. Yay for friendship!!!

UPP #8 - Unforgettable Face.
        When you're Ugly, you have a really messed up face, one that haunts people's memory and they could never forget about you no matter how hard they try. But this is how people get famous, so congratulations! Plus, maybe one day you'll creep from their mind into their heart, because let's face it, if you're on their mind constantly, then they might fall in love with you since you're all they can think about. So face it, if you're in a crowd of pretty people, you're going to stand out like... a bowling ball in a haystack, and isn't that what first impressions are all about?? Making an impact? Well believe you me, you're ugliness has made such an impact on that person's mind, it has left a crater!Think about the endless job opportunities! When you go for an interview, you'll be all they can remember! You my Ugly friend, are getting a call back despite your shitty resume, all thanks to your shitty face. Three cheers for Ugliness!  So don't worry! Later in the night, that hottie you've been eyeing won't remember any of the good looking people they've met that night, only your ugly unforgettable face. Sigh* Now this is romance! Top that Shakespeare! lolz.

UPP #9 - Beauty Fades but Ugly Stains.
        So yes, we're stained with the Ugly! We needn't worry about teenage pregnancy, and sadly you'll never get to star in 16 and Pregnant, because your face is your own form of birth control...and I guess that Would bring us back to #3, where you'll save money not having to buy condoms etc. Most importantly, since we're stained with Ugly, it is unlikely that we'll get prettier as time goes by, and it's really impossible for us to get any uglier, but soon enough we'll get used to it. If we're lucky to find someone to marry, they'll love us for all our flaws and if we get uglier, then it really has no impact on them because we were ugly when this whole relationship started, so they'll accept our hideous changes pretty quickly. For example; if you're fat now and that person loves you, I'm sure they're not gonna mind if you gain weight in the future. [Being fat doesn't mean you're Ugly, but in today's society full of ass-holes, the two can be thought of as synonyms =( ] For my ladies out there, if you have a child and you put on weight, you know your husband won't cheat on you with skinnier girls because he always liked your plus size. Also, since you're ugly you know that they love you for how you are on the inside, as metioned in #2, and no amount of increasing ugly can change that. However if you're good looking, your partner is only interested in your looks, I mean that's what first attracted them to you in the first place, especially if you're not so nice on the inside, and well beauty eventually fades. Yes you can be gorgeous in your younger years, but as you age, things begin to fall apart, unless you're rich and can afford surgery. Your partner is most likely shallow since they married you for your looks and when your looks start to go, they'll start looking for somethign better. But if you're ugly from the start, you know that this will last forever.

UPP #10 - Opposites Attract.
        The Laws of Attraction state that opposites attract and likes repel. Therefore by this statement alone, we see that two Ugly people could never be together, and two Good looking people can never be togther either. In a relationship, one has to be however slightly uglier than the other, whilst the other is however slightly more appealing than the other. So what does this mean? It basically means that if you're butt ass Ugly then you're most likely to be paired with someone who's drop dead ass Gorgeous! So my Ugly friends, we've come out pretty good in this whole relationship scenario =D. However, the Good looking people have the shorter end of the stick, because they're doomed to end up with us Ugly folks. But hey atleast we get to rub it in people faces, how an ugly thing like us ended up with someone so good looking and plus there'll be a glint of hope for our offsprings.

         And there you have it people, the Top 10 reasons why being Ugly is so great! Yes, although it may seem like a disability at first sight, there's so much more joys to be Ugly, than Good Looking people could ever imagine.  So let's toast to these advantages and remember the great words of one yellow hero, and let us all be Ugly and Proud.