Thursday, July 26, 2012

Hasta La Vista 18

       I can’t believe it! Today’s my last day of being 18 and it breaks my heart! When I was a child, I was fascinated with the age 18. If I could have chosen to remain one age forever, it would undoubtedly be 18. There was something about it that awed me, the idea of still being a teenager, yet being an adult at the same time was just mind blowing. But now that I’m a few hours away from being 19, I must say that being 18 hasn’t been so great because I haven’t made the best of it. I’ve really done nothing while I was 18 to be so proud of being 18 and that depresses me greatly.
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         I have no great stories of my 18th year to tell my future generation. A story as simple as my first love won’t even exist. I’d have to shift words around to make myself seem awesome, but then again what would history be if we never did that? I’d have to begin; well 22 hours ago, when I was 18, I broke the norm of society! It was customary that at the age of 13, a girl should shamelessly think she had fallen in love with some boy who would only later break her heart. And by 16 years of age, said same girl should have met another lad, with whom she would have fallen in love with completely, regardless of his feelings for her and wait a maximum of 4 to 5 years, to see if this is the person that was truly meant for her. However, me being the daring, witty and beautiful adventurous rebel that I am, I refused to succumb to the foe called love, so far for 18 years of my life, I avoided the treacherous ailments that had befallen many and led them to their demise. I was strong and determined, and I ventured with the few that were as worthy as me, to escape the illusively warm grip of love’s icy claws. Yes, Yes… that sounds about accurate, don’t you think? 
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         Yesterday I watched Zefferelli’s 'Romeo and Juliet' and it really made me think about my nonexistent love life. It was quite good, seemed like the real deal with the setting and costuming, and I can’t seem to get over how Leonard Whiting crazily looks like Zac Efron.  Two young souls madly and helplessly in love with each other, so much that they can’t live without the other. I tried to think of how my seemingly impossible love story would unravel, but even that was difficult. Love is something I haven’t yet stumbled upon, I’ve done such a great job at avoiding it since I’m an expert at pushing people away. The only thing I have that can come close to a good love story, are my very embarrassing moments. And it was then that I realized that that’s all I’ll probably ever have, my life is one big embarrassing showdown. Everything in my life competes with each other to see which can embarrass me more.
            Let’s take a look at my lack of good timing. I remember about 4 years ago I was talking to an old friend on msn. You see, I had now come back to Trinidad on April 1st and I was picking up wireless from my cousin’s neighbours at two in the morning. So obviously my friend had to prank me because it was April fool’s, but I’m usually the pranker not the prankee.  So, for some time then I had been asking him questions on guy-behaviours because I wanted to write a book [I only reached chapter 3 with that- Failure!] and I wanted it to be realistic, I wanted guys to be able to relate as well as girls. But because of this, they thought I was seeking relationship advice, which seemed really silly to me at that time. So I was like, 'ok yea I’ll play on his suspicions and tell him that I have a boyfriend, yea that’ll be a good April fool’s because they’ll surely believe it but it won’t be true. Yes! Awesome idea!' So I proceeded with my supposedly awesome plan, and I really can’t remember what their reaction was, but I know that before I could tell them April fool’s the internet connection dropped!!! I got cut off from the conversation and I tried for a whole half an hour to get back on but I couldn’t. So I never got to tell them it was a April Fool’s and I never  bothered to clear it up in later conversations as I hoped they, unlike me, would have forgotten about it.  Basically in the end, not only am I the loser to have never been in a relationship, but I the biggest loser who attempted to lie about it, giving myself a fake boyfriend with a name, which is the saddest part.
           But I guess since I’m almost 19, I should review something shitty that happened while I was 18. Let's take a look at my lack of life skills. Hmm... I have just the story, but I’ll have to make it quite vague.  Okay, so most people would think me a bitch because I’m selective of whom I talk to. I’m sorry, but when I meet someone for the first time, within 5 minutes I decide whether you’re worth my time or not based on your interaction with me and those around me. Therefore if we're friends, then I think you're pretty cool and worth my time, so congratulations you lucky fools =). I try to stay clear of jerks and bacchanalists and I don’t run down people to talk to them. If you talk to me, cool! We’ll have a conversation [However awkward that may turn out], but don’t hold your breath waiting for me to approach you or else you will die because I’m really shy when it comes to meeting people =S. So now that you know so much about me, I can proceed with this embarrassing experience. So I met this guy, and my blood didn’t take him at all, based on first impressions. However every time we’re in the same vicinity, he would come and say 'hi', so I began to think that maybe I'm judging him too quickly, that I should try and be nice to them because they just want to be friends. Then an incident happened, where I was made to realize that this person who I forced myself to believe was nice, was actually using me. And well I hate users! I’ve been used conveniently many times in my short life, perhaps more times than I was embarrassed =S, therefore I was really pissed that I let myself get used again…. So just like that I stopped talking to that person completely. I should have listened to my instincts the very first time and leave it like that, but we all know how evil can be deceiving =P  So yea, some people may think I handled this immaturely but I just really wanted to stop talking to this person and forget about how stupid I had been. So some time later, that person ended up falling for and dating someone who was already in a relationship. This someone happened to know me well and decided that for love’s sake, they should tell their lover all that they know about me. Which is very disturbing, because I really don’t like people knowing my background and whatever, yes I tell you all about my life on this blog, but there are private things about my life that I wouldn’t want the world to know. However this someone happens to think very highly of their self and for quite some time they believed I was ugly and jealous of them, I was far from jealous of this person by the way. And well, remember how I mentioned this someone was cheating, and I really don’t stand for that bullshit, so I tried to put an end to it, along with my awesome friends. In conclusion; we stopped the blasphemy, made some new enemies and apparently rumour has it that I’m in love with this person, and that’s why I’m so stuck up… because apparently they broke my heart. I never even knew I had these feelings lolz and the worst part is that I really never had any feelings for this person whatsoever, and they really weren’t my type so those type of feelings would have never even developed. The fact that I didn’t like this person, but everyone thought I loved them totally pissed me off, and seeing that they talk to people and I don’t, it really gave them grounds to light this fire. So now, I’m also the asshole that was in love with this person who believed they were a gentleman, and I got my heartbroken by him and my best friend…. And I didn’t even care if they were baby-making; I just wanted her to be fair to the other guy in this whole thing. I guess it’s true what they say; doing the right thing is very VERY hard.
       So yes, in my 18th year of life I proved to be really pathetic in the field of love and attraction and shit like that... and well that's not a story I really want to tell the future but what's a girl to do? So hopefully, in my 19th year, if I steer clear of anything of the sort, my name won’t get muddled and I won’t add to the lump of sadman-ness that is already me. I'll just stick to my original story in the intro and well I was great at avoiding it for 18 years, what's another year to add??To those turning 19 this year, enjoy your last teenage year and make the best of it like I plan to do. Things don't last forever, so really make the best of every opportunity.
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  1. Sorry I missed your bday. Happy belated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Hope you at least milked all the freedom and fun you could that comes with birthdays.

    1. Lolz thanks =) Why don't I see you online anymore?!?! Girl I tried to milk as much as I could lolz. Read your last chapters, love how descriptive it is! <3

  2. Spank you! my hotmail is hacked and msn has blocked it so idk... i tryin 2 unblock it buh idk... so imma be M.I.A for a while sry.
    much luv cuz